misgiving

I refuse to hear the truth. I choose to believe that things can go back to how they were like nothing happened. This was my greatest fear. And that horror has happened. How do you choose between the earth and soul? How do you survive a battle within yourself?

I have no regrets and I know I would take the same path if I come across it once more. But that does not give me comfort. What would? It is heartbreaking to tell a wonderful miracle as if it was a horrible tragedy. Yet the aftermath hunts me.

These days I content myself with the thought that I am working things out. I convince myself each day that all these efforts are not dire. I wallow at night as I bid myself goodnight. I have hope that I will survive this. I have hope that I can do this.

We do things for two reasons – because we want to and because we have to. This I did because I want to and more so I have to. And though we are aware of the consequences, we will never be prepared for the dismay once it occurs. All we have is the fulfillment that we got what we want and we did what needed to be done.

the good and the bad

It is hard to forget how dark an empty room is than to recall how flashy and bright a red carpet hall is.

While children are playing in the newly installed playground at school, I was sitting in a far away bench contemplating on how I can turn my life around. I was 5 then. Innocence is bliss and it escaped me even before I realize it exists. At times I would think I was robbed of childhood. I was robbed of the joy it has to offer because of certain circumstances that are either mine or the world’s fault. It is depressing to talk about it but the feeling today when I try to recall the details isn’t so bad. In fact, I would choose the same path if I have to go through it again; not that I want to do that though.

I decided to keep up with unnecessary torture thinking it was what I deserve. I was foolish to think that people who surrounded me were worth all the sacrifice. One ordinary night it just occurred to me that they aren’t and that my values are much more important. I finally knocked myself awake and realized that I cannot give in to be trapped in an abyss and let myself be swallowed by darkness completely. I figured out a way out of that endless, dark and stinky tunnel that is the result of lack of self confidence.

I remember that day when I walked into a hallway full of unrecognized faces. I decided I wanted to do it alone. I walked past the unfamiliar faces trying to ignore anyone who might know me. I walked fast enough so no one can catch up to me. I found my name in that wall full of so many other names. I made the list – finally. Everything went white and I was numb with joy. I wanted the world to stop and just savor that once in a lifetime feeling.

It is hard to forget the pain and sorrow but it is when we learn the most; than to recall how flashy and bright a red carpet hall is but that moment urges us to keep going.

some mornings

Some mornings I wake up and ask myself, did I really think I can do this?

My heart is filled with thick, black smoke. I have everything figured out since I was 7. I knew what I wanted to become and I was firm about it. I made that decision long before adults would start asking kids “what do you want to be when you grow up”. I was a grown up even before I began growing. I have everything mapped out – school, work, career, family, old age, death.

Indeed all these things happened. Some did not materialize exactly as I thought it would be but overall, I was on schedule. I have thought about all the emotions I would go through as well and surprisingly, I was not wrong to any of it. I may have missed a feeling or two but otherwise, all is well.

Some mornings I wake up and ask myself, did I really think I can make it?

I walked out of the bright room into the darkness. I puffed a smoke of cigarette in the middle of the icy backyard of the basement of a house we call home. My lungs are filled with fresh air as I inhaled the tarry, dirty, smoke. It’s odd how I breathe better with smoke.

I went back to the bright room and I am just spent. I have lost myself in a matter of weeks. I make coffee but never have the chance to taste it anymore. I think of brushing my teeth but don’t remember doing it. I hold my hair brush in my tired hands but my hair remained a mess. Where did myself go?

Some mornings.. may be I won’t wake up no more.

dog grooming in the summer

Summer is the best time to go on a beach vacation. It is the perfect season to bond with family on a picnic at the park. And you know what else is great about summer? It is the ideal time to have your dogs groomed. There are so many reasons why grooming is great in the summer so I summed it all up into three:

Preventive health care

Groomers are not substitute for a veterinarian but as they are more in contact with our dogs when they brush their hair, clean their ears, trim their nails and what not; groomers are more likely to notice signs of disease such as an unhealthy coat, skin irritations or any abnormality. It is the groomer’s responsibility to alert the owners and recommend that they bring the dog to a vet. Prevention is better than cure indeed!

Clean and healthy pet

People and dogs aren’t the only ones enjoying the summer heat. Ticks and fleas do too. Dog grooming in the summer is an effective way to get to the root of tick problems on your beloved canine. Getting their coats trimmed keeps them cooler and reduces ticks and flea hangout. Clean, healthy pets promote a clean, healthy home.

Jolly, happy dog

This is more logical that scientific. Groomed dogs generally will feel refreshed, happy, playful and less aggressive. This point out that grooming can improve dog’s mental health and show our pets that they are cared for. Happy dogs simply mean happy owners!

hashtag28poet

Speeches inspired by and for The Toastmaster

Poetry in various forms - ABC Poem, Acrostic, Cinquian, Haiku, Limerick and Tyburn

Travels and real adventures

Musings of everyday, random period of reflection and thoughts

Pitong taon

Pitong taon bago ang ngayon

Naghintay ako at di naglaon

Nagkakilala kung saan nag-umpisa

Ang pagmamahalang walang nag-akala

Pitong taon mula kitang makilala

Nag-iba ang mundo at napuno ng alaala

Mga bagong karanasan at kaligayahan

Ang pumuno sa puso at isipan

Pitong taon hanggang kasalukuyan

Tayo ay kinasal at nagkatuluyan

Lumipas ang panahon pero hindi ang pagsuyo

Na kailanman ay hindi maglalaho

Pitong taon patungo sa hinaharap

Tayo ay mananatili sa may alapaap

Ngayon ay magkakaroon na ng supling

Na sa ating pagtanda ay gagabay at babaling