10 November 2010

the family man

I was sitting on my bed reading my messages on my inbox when I was interrupted by an incoming call and I was surprised to see who it was. She usually asks me to call her – it’s my Mom. She told me they’re going to the province tonight. Uncle Ed left us and they just found out.
Death is inevitable and it is a certainty – we just don’t know when it’s gonna come for us. People always tell us that it comes when we least expect it – of course! Not unless we could peg a date on our calendar and prepare ourselves for it entirely. Even those whose days are counted cannot say when for sure. This makes me want to hate surprises.
I didn’t have time to ask Mom any more questions. They are bringing Uncle to Bicol where he will be settled. He came from the province yesterday and Mom said they still had time to talk and throw a few jokes with him. I guess that was the final goodbye. It is a wonderful way to leave if you ask me. To be able to see your family one last time before you go. I wonder how Uncle Ed felt the day before, the last time he shut his eyes to sleep, the last thing he thought of, the last prayer he said and the last plan he made.
I had the chance to know him when he stayed at our home for a few months when I was a kid. He loves dogs and he cooks superb. I didn’t get the chance to talk to him as an adult and exchange opinions about politics and nature or life. But I know he’s one to talk to.
I’m not sure if I will be there to see him off but I offer this prayer for him.
Dear God, our beloved Uncle Ed has finally returned to you. We thank you for sharing him with us. We thank you for giving us a chance to know such a family man. He helped raise his siblings and deserve the honor of whatever his siblings have achieved and become. He may not have a family of his own but truly he showed he could be a good father. We know he’s now at peace with you and the rest of our family who went on ahead of us. We pray that you take his soul in your care and bring him to eternal peace. We know that he will still be looking after all of us, there, with you. We love you Uncle Ed. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

24 September 2010

The Detonator

The coming together of two individuals to weave a new life of existence as one, creating new members of the society that would eventually walk a similar path is a mystery unfolding and presenting itself in different fashion almost always. Collaborators conveniently named as fate, destiny, choice, love, divine intervention and fidelity give rise to complexities such as commitment, relationship, an understanding, marriage and family. People’s understanding of all these pulsating words is often vague while emotions take the lead and mediate on incongruity.

Watching relationships inspire and destroy people is the same as watching a war film where it usually begins with scenes depicting each soldiers happy life with their family and friends, establishing how ideal and content they are. You are left there in dismay as you watch each noble man, with dreams of their own, march to combat and breathe their last as the film comes to an end. Memories are the only remnants and tears from the heart because of the hurt and loss.

If there could only be a way to recognize the face of the enemy then it could be prevented. If only it is possible to cover all perimeters and ensure the safety of each relationship towards the end of its journey, there could be no end to the bliss.

Judging the stability of each union from the length of togetherness each couple had lasted is the weakest aspect. There are multiple reasons why people decide to stay intact for a number of years and these reasons do not always point to an objective purpose. Reasons that benefit third party, kith and kin, status quo of participants involved, career and ambitions really do not count as objects of choosing to be together for mutual happiness.

Age and maturity has always been relative. Relativity really leads to more ambiguity and less actual point that could be worked on. This aspect is more of a dead end. The choices are simply to back it up and find another way out of a web of vagueness with the hope of finding what you are searching for or go straight into the void and remain in the abyss, not knowing what went wrong until the end of time and settle there. It is mostly the resort of cowards and for a loss of better word, losers.

It therefore renders this whole analysis into another dead end, an endless nothingness of no reason and clarity. Still the outcome of a blossoming event cannot be predetermined even with systematic study of logic, psyche and reasons. A voice without a sound form a silent but firm command to simply let the beauty of love and intellect unfold on its own and discover the meaning of the whole lot along your journey.

15 May 2010

bittersweet

I thought of quitting my job since last year and until now I haven't found a new job to replace it. I don't think it's irreplaceable. I never thought it would be this hard to find a new job especially for my kind of profession. Brings me back to those awful days where I had to leave the pontifical university. It was like an omen for failure and I did not succeed in making it fail.

Today, my sister took the first day of a grueling 4-day licensure examination composed of 7 subjects. After passing I hope she lands on a job that will be an investment to her. Simply, I hope she doesn't end up where I will.

30 March 2010

seasons

I was traveling for work this morning and had the chance to watch this Jesus story and I thought to myself, why don’t I read the bible? If I have read hundreds of novels, why don’t I read the most important book I could ever read?

It’s the season of lent and just like the Christmas season, there is an aura that envelopes everyone into the kind of being that God wants us all to be – the very kind of person why he gave up his son for mankind. The same way, lent is nothing different from Valentine’s Day. When Valentine’s is over, there are no more heart-decors on shopping malls, no more suggested gift items for couples, no more special promos on hotels and restaurants. We have been celebrating the death and rebirth of Christ since time immemorial and I pray that we eventually get the real essence of the celebration. May the value of this significant event move us to become better men for the rest of our borrowed life.

25 March 2010

final

I went to another potential opportunity "to leave and live" after work last night. And now I understand why I feel so nervous on my way. I don't wanna say that it didn't go well. That would hurt me but it wasn't a safe rate either and that's what hurt me more. This is like my only hope at the moment and I don't want it to suck just like the rest did. I could not believe at this time and with all the effort I have given, I would be down to this - once again.

I am still hopeful though and I am praying for this.

23 March 2010

forgotten

I still could not believe myself that I totally forgot my sister's birthday. She tried telling me the night before and insisted that we stay up until midnight but besides the fact that we need to be ready so early on her birthday to leave the province, I was also feeling really sick and I just have to be alright for work the following day - her birthday.

I know how hurt it must have felt to be around your family and people closest to you and yet no one remembered. I would've felt worse. Hence, I feel as much guilt for being like all the others when she expects me to remember of all people.

This has been almost a month now but I still haven't thought of a way to show her my sincerest apology.

17 March 2010

promise and compromise

As mush as I do not want to turn this blog into another version of my journal, I just couldn’t help it. Making my feelings known somehow unloads me. I’ve been feeling heavy since the weekend and I haven’t been sleeping right. Although that might not be considered a sign, me being a nocturnal being; I still insist that all those sleepless nights are clearly associated with the issue. It fills my heart with smoke of anger and frustration that I haven’t talked about this to those involved. It didn’t occur to me that money could get in our way, this much and as such.

The only consolation for this hurt is the certainty that after we talk about it, I would feel so much better. But at times I stop and wonder – will it be forever?

15 February 2010

rabies

I just got Mardi from her previous owner and a week later, she bit Bhong. Awtz! I so loved them both that I can't set the fact aside that they could both be in danger.

Rabies are really scary that should be taken seriously and treated immediately. It doesn't really matter how big the wound was or how old the puppy is - it is still rabies. For first aid procedures, here's what you need to do.

1> Wash the wound / affected area with soap and running water for 10 minutes to remove the sticky saliva of the dog which carries the rabies.

2> Apply betadine on the wound / affected area after washing.

3> Schedule to meet a doctor ASAP.

After doing all those first aid procedures, we went to San Lorenzo Ruiz Hospital the following day. This hospital is the only hospital in Manila that I know of, that caters to rabies and animal bites. Here's what we did when we got there.

1> Get a referral from the table around the back of the hospital where they would get your weight, age, basic information about the animal bite and provide you with fillable forms.

2> Submit the completely filled information sheet to the Records Section (located immediately at the back of the referral table in #1)for your hospital record especially if you are new.

3> Consult the physician. This is where you can ask your other concerns about the rabies. The doctor will provide you with a prescription on what needs to be injected, when and the doze of course.

4> Get an assessment from the pharmacy to know how much money you need to pay for the required drugs.

5> Find a pair. The medication is usually 1/2 doze or even 1/4 doze per session so getting a pair is really advised.

6> Pay for the medication needed at the cashier.

7> Claim the drugs you paid for including the syringes at the pharmacy together with your partner.

8> Proceed to the nurses' area and submit your papers (you and your partner) then wait for your name to be called.

9> Be sure that you have eaten before the injection is administered.

After the injection of the required drugs, you are free to go. You will have to return to the hospital on the specified date on you medication / schedule sheet. You will have to repeat steps 4 to 9 until you have complied with the schedule. Usually the second shot is given after 7 days. Third shot after a month and the last shot after 2 months. It's all so easy but guys you have to remember that a pint of prevention is better than an ounce of cure. Be safe!

10 February 2010

prudential

I went to the interview as scheduled today in Makati. I was comfortable with the place so it didn't take me long to find the building. In fact, I was way early than the scheduled interview.

I have decided not to accept the job offer because it isn't any different from my current job. Their IC department is just growing and I will only be repeating what happened to me in the past 3 years if I accept it. The only difference would be I will have a staff. Compensation wise, I don't think they can compete with the benefits that I have right now.

Case closed. I'm moving on to the next. Who knows, I could get in to an auditing firm come July.

09 February 2010

i saw the sign

I personally do not believe in signs. I agree with Madonna however when she said "you only see what you wanted to see" in her song Frozen that was a hit song. The same song that beat My Heart Will Go On sung by Celine Dion on various hitcharts and billboards.

I remember watching Joan of Ark on HBO one time and it's more than just a history movie. Understanding the message deeper I realized that our choices are truly our own. Although circumstances seemed to direct us to a certain decision, in the end what we decide prevails. And the events and people that may play a part in our journey easily perceived as signs has nothing to do with our life's purpose on earth. These so-called signs do not exist at all and they are in no way connected to how our life should and will turn out.

We just have to be able to stand for what we believe and be responsible for the consequences and fruits of our decisions. And that our life on earth is a continuous search for meaning and purpose that would only be revealed in His time when we are one with Him in eternity.