30 March 2010

seasons

I was traveling for work this morning and had the chance to watch this Jesus story and I thought to myself, why don’t I read the bible? If I have read hundreds of novels, why don’t I read the most important book I could ever read?

It’s the season of lent and just like the Christmas season, there is an aura that envelopes everyone into the kind of being that God wants us all to be – the very kind of person why he gave up his son for mankind. The same way, lent is nothing different from Valentine’s Day. When Valentine’s is over, there are no more heart-decors on shopping malls, no more suggested gift items for couples, no more special promos on hotels and restaurants. We have been celebrating the death and rebirth of Christ since time immemorial and I pray that we eventually get the real essence of the celebration. May the value of this significant event move us to become better men for the rest of our borrowed life.

25 March 2010

final

I went to another potential opportunity "to leave and live" after work last night. And now I understand why I feel so nervous on my way. I don't wanna say that it didn't go well. That would hurt me but it wasn't a safe rate either and that's what hurt me more. This is like my only hope at the moment and I don't want it to suck just like the rest did. I could not believe at this time and with all the effort I have given, I would be down to this - once again.

I am still hopeful though and I am praying for this.

23 March 2010

forgotten

I still could not believe myself that I totally forgot my sister's birthday. She tried telling me the night before and insisted that we stay up until midnight but besides the fact that we need to be ready so early on her birthday to leave the province, I was also feeling really sick and I just have to be alright for work the following day - her birthday.

I know how hurt it must have felt to be around your family and people closest to you and yet no one remembered. I would've felt worse. Hence, I feel as much guilt for being like all the others when she expects me to remember of all people.

This has been almost a month now but I still haven't thought of a way to show her my sincerest apology.

17 March 2010

promise and compromise

As mush as I do not want to turn this blog into another version of my journal, I just couldn’t help it. Making my feelings known somehow unloads me. I’ve been feeling heavy since the weekend and I haven’t been sleeping right. Although that might not be considered a sign, me being a nocturnal being; I still insist that all those sleepless nights are clearly associated with the issue. It fills my heart with smoke of anger and frustration that I haven’t talked about this to those involved. It didn’t occur to me that money could get in our way, this much and as such.

The only consolation for this hurt is the certainty that after we talk about it, I would feel so much better. But at times I stop and wonder – will it be forever?