It is
hard to forget how dark an empty room is than to recall how flashy and bright a
red carpet hall is.
While
children are playing in the newly installed playground at school, I was sitting
in a far away bench contemplating on how I can turn my life around. I was 5
then. Innocence is bliss and it escaped me even before I realize it exists. At
times I would think I was robbed of childhood. I was robbed of the joy it has
to offer because of certain circumstances that are either mine or the world’s
fault. It is depressing to talk about it but the feeling today when I try to
recall the details isn’t so bad. In fact, I would choose the same path if I
have to go through it again; not that I want to do that though.
I decided
to keep up with unnecessary torture thinking it was what I deserve. I was
foolish to think that people who surrounded me were worth all the sacrifice.
One ordinary night it just occurred to me that they aren’t and that my values
are much more important. I finally knocked myself awake and realized that I
cannot give in to be trapped in an abyss and let myself be swallowed by
darkness completely. I figured out a way out of that endless, dark and stinky
tunnel that is the result of lack of self confidence.
I
remember that day when I walked into a hallway full of unrecognized faces. I
decided I wanted to do it alone. I walked past the unfamiliar faces trying to
ignore anyone who might know me. I walked fast enough so no one can catch up to
me. I found my name in that wall full of so many other names. I made the list –
finally. Everything went white and I was numb with joy. I wanted the world to
stop and just savor that once in a lifetime feeling.
It is
hard to forget the pain and sorrow but it is when we learn the most; than to
recall how flashy and bright a red carpet hall is but that moment urges us to
keep going.
