the good and the bad

It is hard to forget how dark an empty room is than to recall how flashy and bright a red carpet hall is.

While children are playing in the newly installed playground at school, I was sitting in a far away bench contemplating on how I can turn my life around. I was 5 then. Innocence is bliss and it escaped me even before I realize it exists. At times I would think I was robbed of childhood. I was robbed of the joy it has to offer because of certain circumstances that are either mine or the world’s fault. It is depressing to talk about it but the feeling today when I try to recall the details isn’t so bad. In fact, I would choose the same path if I have to go through it again; not that I want to do that though.

I decided to keep up with unnecessary torture thinking it was what I deserve. I was foolish to think that people who surrounded me were worth all the sacrifice. One ordinary night it just occurred to me that they aren’t and that my values are much more important. I finally knocked myself awake and realized that I cannot give in to be trapped in an abyss and let myself be swallowed by darkness completely. I figured out a way out of that endless, dark and stinky tunnel that is the result of lack of self confidence.

I remember that day when I walked into a hallway full of unrecognized faces. I decided I wanted to do it alone. I walked past the unfamiliar faces trying to ignore anyone who might know me. I walked fast enough so no one can catch up to me. I found my name in that wall full of so many other names. I made the list – finally. Everything went white and I was numb with joy. I wanted the world to stop and just savor that once in a lifetime feeling.

It is hard to forget the pain and sorrow but it is when we learn the most; than to recall how flashy and bright a red carpet hall is but that moment urges us to keep going.

seasons

I was traveling for work this morning and had the chance to watch this Jesus story and I thought to myself, why don’t I read the bible? If I have read hundreds of novels, why don’t I read the most important book I could ever read?

It’s the season of lent and just like the Christmas season, there is an aura that envelopes everyone into the kind of being that God wants us all to be – the very kind of person why he gave up his son for mankind. The same way, lent is nothing different from Valentine’s Day. When Valentine’s is over, there are no more heart-decors on shopping malls, no more suggested gift items for couples, no more special promos on hotels and restaurants. We have been celebrating the death and rebirth of Christ since time immemorial and I pray that we eventually get the real essence of the celebration. May the value of this significant event move us to become better men for the rest of our borrowed life.

i saw the sign

I personally do not believe in signs. I agree with Madonna however when she said "you only see what you wanted to see" in her song Frozen that was a hit song. The same song that beat My Heart Will Go On sung by Celine Dion on various hitcharts and billboards.

I remember watching Joan of Ark on HBO one time and it's more than just a history movie. Understanding the message deeper I realized that our choices are truly our own. Although circumstances seemed to direct us to a certain decision, in the end what we decide prevails. And the events and people that may play a part in our journey easily perceived as signs has nothing to do with our life's purpose on earth. These so-called signs do not exist at all and they are in no way connected to how our life should and will turn out.

We just have to be able to stand for what we believe and be responsible for the consequences and fruits of our decisions. And that our life on earth is a continuous search for meaning and purpose that would only be revealed in His time when we are one with Him in eternity.

Typhoon Ondoy: the aftermath

Typhoon Ondoy started on the evening of September 25. Who would have thought that the next hours and days will be this horrible. The country was badly hit on different parts of the urban area. It's all over the news, the radio and even on all sorts of social website. The rain has stopped, the storm has passed and most Filipinos are left with nothing but faith.

I seldom talk about faith. Not because I have no interest in it. I just think and really believe that faith is an issue between me and my God alone. No one can ever judge my faith and belief other than the only God I worship. And though people may not understand my way of believing, the most important thing to me is that God and I have an understanding and that he knows me wholly.

For the rest of us who were not deeply affected by Ondoy, we are indeed blessed. For those who suffered much, I pray that you hold on to your faith and believe that these too shall pass. I don't have the means to help out on outreach programs, donate money or goods, nor volunteer to any activities regarded to distribute reliefs. But that does not make me helpless. Thus, I offer this prayer to all the Filipinos.


Dear God,

We thank you thank you for the gift of life. For the opportunity to live, love and experience what and how it is to be human - the greatest gift of all. We thank you for sparing us from the typhoon Ondoy. We thank you that after the storm, you gave us light thru our fellow Christians.

We ask for your understanding and forgiveness dear God if we blame each other for the sufferings that we encounter. Refusing to accept and rationalize within ourselves that we are responsible for all our actions as well.

May you watch over the Filipinos who have lost their homes and livelihood;
May you comfort and grant peace of mind and acceptance to those who have lost their loved ones and family;
May you continue to bless all those who reached out and helped the survivors and victims of the typhoon Ondoy;
May you guide the government officials and those in power to use all means and resources to extend a hand to its fellowmen who's in dire need of help.

May we all appreciate your works and ponder on it's real purpose;
May we stop and contemplate about our own shortcomings and begin a proactive change;

May we learn to acknowledge the good in each Filipino and stop blaming one another for what has occured;
May we be one and battle this episode in our lives together.

Grant us peace, unity and endurance to overcome the sadness, loss and pain. Cover us with your most precious blood and lead us to the path of reuniting with you O Lord. All these we ask in Jesus name, we pray, Amen.


We all certainly hope that there won't be a next time like this. And I sincerely hope that we won't need another catastrophe to come together and be one Filipino nation.