I hold the lever

I woke up quite confused in the middle of the night. I was huffing, brows crossed as my eyes adjust to the darkness of the room. I had a dream or a memory, I was unsure. Some thoughts do linger. They linger longer than they should that it starts to bother you. It creeps into your head and walks around it you end up dreaming of it. Then your paranoia-inspired brain suggests that the dream means more than what it really is. You try your hardest to explain your thoughts that became a dream which evolved into a subconscious desire for it to be real. You eventually confuse yourself if it started with a thought or was it a feeling that finally embodied itself.

Some dreams stay vivid even after you wake up, take a shower and have a cup of coffee. So vivid that you’re able to go back to it, dissect each scene as if you’re writing a blog review for a movie you’ve just seen. It is so clear in your mind that you can see through skin pores and remember the feeling of being on it as words are exchanged from you and the characters is your little story book.

Some dreams however long they seem to be just disappears in your memory as soon as you open your eyes. And you are just left with memories of how it felt – happiness, pain, excitement, wanting and fear. And no matter how much you try to recall, the devil has stolen it forever. But you are certain if it was a bad or great dream.

I used to have some awful nightmares when I was a kid and my cousin taught me how to divert them as simple as changing a channel on your television. She told me I have the power to control things in m sleep because it is my brain after all. It was difficult in the beginning the same as all the other things we’ve done for the first time. Then I was able to do it after some practice and willful intent. But what puzzles me is that, I can’t force myself to dream about something and dream of it the way I want it to. It baffles me that once a dream starts, I am able to hit the pause button and decide if I want it to continue or hit the stop button and move to the next channel but I can’t fully control how my mind works while unconscious.

Dreams, thoughts and ideas are mind events that we are able to control to some degree. And as much as we would argue about it, life is nothing different that our dream world. Some events and decisions are up to us but some we just have to go through. We are in control of our life – to some degree and we should exploit that capability to the most we can.